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How to share custody with a narcissistic ex

On Behalf of | Nov 18, 2022 | Family Law

After marriage to a narcissist, you may already know how much he or she likes control. Most narcissists want to call the shots, including calling the shots with your children. Following a divorce, most children thrive in an environment where the parents can come together for their best interests.

Unfortunately, you cannot always work together when you have a narcissistic ex.

Set strong boundaries

Most narcissists will try to make co-parenting more difficult. They tend to escalate all conflicts and will blame you for any obstacles in the parenting plan. Instead of co-parenting, you may want to consider parallel parenting.

Parallel parenting allows you to set up boundaries. In a parallel parenting plan, you ensure every possible scenario is in the plan. In addition to the schedule, you have clear rules on how to handle changes in plans. Limit your communication to text or email and make it clear that you do not have to answer 100% of the time.

Track all communication

Keep track of all communication between you and your ex. Some co-parenting apps allow you to track messages and save conversations. Narcissists sometimes attempt to alter text messages or manipulate messages to ruin your relationships with others or to hurt your custody case. When you have a complete record of all messages, he or she cannot fool anyone. Likewise, when you track messages, you can point out any harassment or bullying.

While you should remain professional for the sake of your children, do not force yourself to be friendly with a narcissistic parent.